everything in black and white...

Muse

2010-08-07T06:33:00.001-07:00

Song: Don’t think twice.. by Bob Dylan

The melancholy fills the air
the smokes creeps in on your face
Dylan accompanies
but.........don’t help

Sad helpless tunes
U mumble them anyways
chewing on your stinky tobacco
dragging on a rusty cigarette

Cold makes u shiver
wind hurts n slaps
eyes water out of self pity
smoke soothes the face

The heart is split in 2
and the hurt, it aches
a feeling that churns the stomach
and screws the head

I see you walk out the door
a shadow lost in the dark
I stare out of my watery eyes
it’s all blurry , a waste.

I suck on my stub
ahhh the smoke it’s fresh
the taste ..... stale
your touch is still real
the smell..... disappears

The guitar don’t help sir
but thanks for the show anyways
walk on and find a new muse
I ?.....I’ve gotta ponder this life away

The smoke has filled the room
your tune will linger long after
the words will turn into whispers
whispers …of a heart ache

This pain my muse.....

Rang De Basanti....

2009-02-21T19:08:00.001-08:00

Just paint me yellow, reminiscent of home...
full of summer,fields of gold
us as kids ,our pet and lost...

What about Red?
Ecstasy and sighs...
heartbeats and high's
as lovers and indulged

White? really tight!
plastered for all you know
keep me molded forever,covered from head to toe
frozen forever, a memory for you to cherish?

Green??!! make you scream!!............ ha!

Like a low decibel sound on a sky high?
make ya shout and make ya dance
a noise that plays on your soul...

or you know what

.................. paint me 'clear'
like wind........unknown

..... always flowing and blowing
soothing and hurting, both a master and a follower

.............................of my own whims

or paint me black and hide me
in thick, tar and sticky
in a darkness undiscovered
untouched and unperturbed

or color me liquid, ...... like tears
so that ill flow for your every joy and every sorrow
so that ill celebrate and I'll die along

and connect with you all over again.

Sublime

2008-06-04T05:06:00.000-07:00

Make love to Garden Grove and miss my dog
That dark room and us, moans and love
Pure and red, high with sobriety
Life mixed with a little wine; sublime and subtlety

Rolling like a turn table, crudely dissed
Scratched and scattered; flanged and remixed
Till recently pre- gamed yet un-fucked, honestly
Life mixed with a little wine; sublime and subtlety

Come let’s dance and shout in heat
Shake that arse to Sinclair’s beat
Pop, lock and drop it like a motha’ fucker, decently
Life mixed with a little wine; sublime and subtlety

I don’t know what all this crap means
As long as my lungs in that deep space breathe
Dark and long, full of air and empty
Life mixed with a little wine; sublime and subtlety

No this ain’t a premature song
This a confused poem with élan
With an unmeant theme, written aimlessly
Life mixed with a little wine, sublime and subtlety

As long as this road is welcoming me ahead
As long as I can write bull crap un-read
I’ll drive crazy with insanity; Write nonsensical shit constantly
Life mixed with a little wine; sublime and subtlety

2007-08-28T20:47:00.002-07:00

Hey , this one goes out to my family.

wish you guys a very Happy Rakhi.

In silent whispers I talk to her,

the wind that just blew carried my love along with it…

not conscious of the obvious missing

he sits aloof

waiting for nothing

that hug u felt,,, was from me

In her struggle I walk along

I console, love and caress

Today I stand by her side

And protect her from evil

From the shadows and the unseen

Today I'll vow to protect her smile and happiness

Wish for her the relatively happy life

But ill urge her to go on

Ill urge her to fight

And not to give up

Today and forever

While he unnecessarily rants at her,

While she at each and every moment just longs and wishes for them

And while she all thru the day just wonders why

I am not there, for the first time,

I'll hope and pray to god

To give our souls mirrors

So that our thoughts,

directed towards each other continuously

reflect back to each other

Constantly

Keeping us connected by bonds

Beyond the grasp of corporeality

Now and forever.

In our happiness and sorrows

that will come tomorrow and that of the past,

Where ever we exist

In what ever form.

SELKu`TULATING.

2007-07-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Hey! I wrote this on 22 or 23rd June when I was about to leave for USA then.... since then my program got postponed and now I'm leaving now on 30th July.... so posting it delayed since it makes sense now.

Song for the moment : PAL by K.K.
the prologue below is inspired by the same song.

Prologue:
" if we were to live a thousand lives
will we miss these lost split seconds?"

with my favorite book
and my favorite memories
of my friends and a handful of family
here I go again...

when I am done
and am sitting under the shade
ill miss you all and the times we shared

Jokes ,laughs and the maddening cries
pubs; discs..
.............those nights so high...

Stranded alone in a magical pretence
in mist, in love....... all was nonsense
and when the rain falls above my head
ill miss this smell till now
I knew so well

here i go again with my fav songs
for you my friend I will long

But hey!!!
Ill see you soon when a lonely dream
sneaks into the night;only for me to see

ill kiss your lips ;a quick bite at the cheek
will smell your hair;a room full of memories

will curse the distance and curse the sky!!
God...
make me a bird, I wanna fly
across the oceans and across the sea
to my friends and my family
.
..
...
....
.....

But wait!
ostrich ????!!
a fat arse like me !!!
cant fly for nuts
.....a joke upon me.

death and thought

2007-06-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

and silence descends upon me again

like a forgotten dream

me, thoughts and the well prescribed goals

stand juxtaposed

fighting along for TRP's.

Another person leaves the corporeal world

Heaven or Hell??

an unanswered suspense begins...

or will she get to take turn

in both the prisons???

or will GOD'S perspective will alone matter?

Neways how true or justified is the

the belief called GOD himself?

" We " the living.

BELIEVE.

Sharing unseen bonds of love, affection care 'n' lust

and feelings that compliment.

We and the constant friction between

which creates the vapors of feelings

on which we thrive and exist.

"WE."........ Believe!!!

run the machine through our relative perceptions

through our egos ;

EGO : an appropriate defense for the ID?

how far along do we cover the "ID"

how far along can we continue with ego?

and we come here

get born , make happy

grow, rebel,

have sex, marry 'n' earn

get neglected, worship 'n' die

a rigmarole called life???

garnished with subtleties,

all formed through our relative eye.

we lose each second to the constant build up called past

we look back and sometimes measure our present by the wall called past

past whose strings out interwoven into our souls

whose strings sometimes tune up our present thoughts.

and the silence descends upon me

"stunned" after a sudden slap

it's time to mourn

to remember someone from ur multimedia memory

sideshow, audio, stills and short movies.

Life and him.

2007-03-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

this is basically an imagined conversation. so i would use this colour for life and some other colour for the person. now while u are reading this please imagine life to be speaking in a mocking way, like that witchy thing witha nasal twang ( like eminem's voice in the song " my dads's gone crazy" which he puts in for his mother.)

I go down on my knees
them which bleed
and ask life
to ease out..
The F*&%^ing bitch instead
vehmently shrieks out..

" now u go nut case
what the fcuk were you doing as a kid
sleeping , snoring and dying dud??
now that you are a qualified loser
u want me to slow down jerk ??"

I say
" Life..... goddess..... or whosoever the f*&k u are
i agree that i have been a lazy
dog so far..

never did a job, never earned my bread...(sighs)

(energised..)
But NOW i SEE the future BRIGHT
NOW I CLAIM TOMMOROW AS MINE!!!
( life cutting in...)
,,,
big words out of your small mouth huh?
you rattle as if mad
you going, going down bad..
(pleading and cutting in..)

but gimme a chance ma!
i have been working my arse,,, na?

people crazier than me , hit gold doing nuthing man
atleast ive been working hard like i should man!!

Alchemist's gold ,I don't want
her throne's diamond's ,I cant claim

all I ask for is some constant cash and max a Porsche' ma
so I can sit my arse off and rock that tuner ma

c'mon see my state and lift me up
fast forward the struggle and fit me up

Angels, lotions and bubble baths
Sweet loving, plasma screens , mansions that stand apart..
..(cuts in)....(frustated)

Shut up!!!!(shouting)

cause iam gonna send u to hell
die and die again in the misery u so dread!

bats, blood and lava baths
if u please
world champ dreamer
keep ur eyes closed at least!!

( cooling down)

wake up to a new glory son
ill give u ur shot

give u things easy?
no man
u don't stand a chance!

die and die again only to be reborn daily with vigor.

work hard like an ant
and ill give u what i can.

(complying and with no choice.... he says to life )

ok, as u say...

and after a while....

(Says to himself " fucking relentless bitch")

and gets ready for the next battle.

2007-03-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

A beautiful drop
blurring the reality in revenge...(prologue)

Racing down the air come
and splash into oblivion
and cool me with your wetness.

Hang by the leaves
magnitised
and dont fall until
another one comes and takes ur place

down below
then fall
form bubbles and burst
an interplay of love and lust

form waves only to die
only to merge and mix
into someone else
tap the leaves
like drumsticks
heartsounds and homesick.

smell of wet soil
feel of wet soil
dirt of wet soil

invigorate the green
energize the environs
activate the chirping
and my dogs searching

down you come
only to make us dream
only to give us hope
only to drift us away
from reality
to an insight of heaven.

Phantasmagoria

2007-02-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

Thoughts…arising from an organized melancholy…

Sadness …which bursts apart into a zillion pieces and imbeds…

every portion of my eclectic walk...

Cello…hangs onto that bass string… going into fits

Violent repetitions of itself … a fugue...

The violin, composed beautifully, defined …

obliged to follow and sing a sad song…

Defined composure’s of one’s body

Not strong, but athletic, muscles… carved out like tender moulds of clay…

Movements …that are made in a split seconds …

…graceful...composed and poignant.

A quartet composing it all, playing in chamber,

rending out music, so violently sad.

And …then it suddenly happens…

in the middle of it all I come in terms with the reality….

…By realizing...

That all the poignancy of that music, all the grace of the lady,

All the sadness of the song, all the allure of the violin…

Was nothing but a concert in 3D... Like Dali’s toreador….

All of it playing…. in my hallucinated mind.

phantom.

2007-02-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

saw a shadow creep out of my room
dark and black, really quiet and infinite

was it you or was it a fragment of my imagination?

was it love departing? or death having come , changed her mind?
or a premonition for a dark cloud
for bad times ahead, or just completely the opposite?

here....
to save us? to surprise us?
to make us wonder or to make us pray?
Or maybe to make us believe in paranoia
or............................................. simply in god.

Fight club

2007-02-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

Raise a hand...
and with all your mental strength
make it happen
with all the force, split the face out of him,
make a pulp out of his fucking being
Squash, a fucking pudding with wipped cream....

if u are striked back in case..
take it as a challenge , irrespective of all the blood spattered tshirt,
agilely move and crush the balls,punch the nose and fuckin split the lower lip,
hold the neck, turn him around,break the hand
and pound his back like a freakin hooligan my boy
or next moment ur nuthing but dead meat.

If he is down and out,,,
just do what the world does , beat the fucking life outta him,
kick him like a ball, ur only chance to the fucking world cup,
stomp, instep,toes n outstep,
hear him plead, shout and die............

Only then......
will u come interms with urself,
calm and cool, unfrustated , unwound, free of all the negative energy,
proud of urself, a clear mind,
atleast for a while , till the next time.....

calling

2007-02-01T22:53:00.000-08:00

my childhood has come to take me
ma, take me home

'the calling' out of a dull light
a quiet yet a shrieking voice

"Love, Pain, Want, Sacrifice"

....and we stroll in a garden full of our dreams,

built on the unlived memories
that our presence would have created....

2006-10-31T18:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes feelings can’t be defined, can’t be put a finger on,
Sometimes u wanna fly high and have all the stars ,
Sometimes all u want is everything,
Sometimes u are surrounded by ‘so much’ love, but all u want is more,
Sometimes anxiety defines the person u are, rather than ur confidence,
Sometimes u get sick out of feeling blue,
Sometimes emptiness demands more from Ur soul, drains u, leaves u sucked…

Tired, because of ur fighting urself,
Exasperated, because of constant botheration,
Suicidal, cause ur so demanding of ur self,
Gutless, cause anyways, u wont end ur life,
Because u love urself too much to do anything "wise",

Anyways all of this, like so many other things is ......in effect

glib.

?

2006-09-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

the emptiness u cant fill,
the missing that never ceases,
the path that is waiting to be taken,
those questions at ur face , but u just cant define,
the feeling, a peculiar one u cant put ur finger on,

that song with an applausing melancholy,
the life u so want to live,
the life u get to live,

that gap that u just cant seem to fill.

wait

2006-09-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

And that desperate wait ends, with nuthing in hand...
it's getting longer...
everytime u open the door u expect something... but...

everytime u listen to that song same scenes flash...
vivid realities from ur ex-life...

the boiling intensity is now down to simmering....

....it will blow off....like everything else...
memories will holler from the past then...

mess

2006-09-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

Standing on the edge of reason...
ready to step on either sides...
wondering whats better...
fall in 'safe'...
or fall in depths, the darkness unfathomable and unmeasured...

where do u experience freedom?
rolling in 'safe'?
or dancing in the dark?

a continous empase..

ineffable thoughts....

2006-07-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

Friends and fun…..

Family and love…

Sister a friend………

Mom a soul mate….

Friends from hell….

Family from heaven….

Together we cry…

Together we have our hysterics …

Part of Ur soul….

A part of Ur being…

The mattress to fall back on…

I, a support they all need….

Partners in crime…

Partners in life…

Share my joy…

Have to burden my pain….

Zestful bonhomie….

An almost mawkish love…

Unbelievable but true…

Ineffable ....but still palpable…

Enjoy like hell….

A love like heaven….

Every moment I spent …

Ill pray to thee...

To give me more moments per second…

To imprint in my brain the memories, that might be…